Plans

I like to plan. I'm organized about really weird things. I have a bill binder (copied from my sister) that has a worksheet for all our bills and places them neatly together, month by month. My school stuff has to be perfectly in order and together or I get super annoyed. I love to plan parties and outings or movie nights. I also try to plan my future. Seriously, I'm the girl looking at job listings for nurse-midwives two years before I graduate "just to get an idea of the market".

I also try to plan for people. Lately, I've found myself trying to compartmentalize and make roles for people in my life. When they fall short, I get frustrated, even though they had no clue that I had this plan of who they should be in my head. I have these ideas, these plans of how things should progress. And sometimes, a lot of the time, they don't work. Things get said, or don't get said, that mess up that little plan I had and I get that wake-up call that tells me I can't plan for things like this. I overthink and overanalyze.

I talked about this the other night with a very good friend. She isn't a big fan of talking about emotional stuff, but whenever we do, they are really great conversations. I like them a lot. Anyways, I told her "If you got to choose all the nice, neat things in life, you'd miss out on the wonderful messy things. Sometimes, those are the best". This is one of those times when I so clearly need to listen to my own advice. Sometimes, something so great comes out of something so incredibly messy and complicated. I've seen it happen. But I've also seen perfectly made plans fall apart. Once things get off track of that vision you so neatly made, you give up. My goal from now on (is it too early for New Year's resolutions??) is to embrace the mess. To stop trying to fit people, relationships, moments into this idea I have of what they should be. To stop planning and overanalyzing and overthinking and just let it go.

Here are some songs I've been listening to that remind me of this idea.

1. "The Middle"-Jimmy Eat World. "It just takes some time, little girl, you in the middle of the ride". I like the idea of being in the middle. Knowing the past, knowing the now. But the future? No clue. I'm learning to be okay with that.

2. "Everything Will Be Alright"-Matt Wertz. "Why do we try, when it always turns out fine? Everything will be alright". Word.

3. "Then"-Brad Paisley. This song makes me so happy. So, basically, the guy goes through his life not believing he could ever be any more in love with this girl. Every big event in their lives, he says "and I thought I loved you then". This song reminds me that we have no idea of the great things that can happen.

4. "Stupid Boy"-Keith Urban. Besides the crazy-awesome guitar solo, the words in the songs always give me chills. The girl had plans, the boy didn't.

5. "Free"-Zac Brown Band. They live out of a van. They drive around the country. No plan. No money. And they are happy.

6. "I Saw"- Matt Nathanson. "I saw pictures in my head, I saw you opening up again". Heads up, what he see isn't what happens.

7. "The Way I Loved You"- Taylor Swift. She is with the guy who would fit a perfect plan of whatever you'd want in a relationship. But, she misses the messy and frustrating guy. "He's charming and endearing and I'm...comfortable". Ouch.

8. "As Lovers Go"-Dashboard Confessional. "Don't complicate it by hesitating". I love every line in this song.

9. "Ships in the Night"-Mat Kearney. "And if it all goes crashing into the sea, if it's just you and me, trying to find a light". This song is a good reminder not to run away when things don't go how you wanted them to.

10. "Last Train Home"-Ryan Starr. "The sun was coming down when I said 'Can't you just believe?". This song is about an imperfect relationship. Her dad isn't a fan of him, it's all messy. I love the line "Can't you just believe?" It doesn't have to be difficult, just keep the faith.

11. "Head or Your Heart"-Mat Kearney. "Choose one, baby, your head or your heart. Is this the game I've played from the start?". This song is just really great. I love Mat.

Morale of the story: Messes can be beautiful. Plans can be broken. Just go with it.

Love, love, love

Thank you, Steve

I got my first iPod when I was 14 years old. It was a mini and probably one of the only pink things I've ever owned. I found it this summer and it only works on my Bose sound dock, but listening to it has brought back the most surreal memories. While I grew up loving music (my parents instilled that in me long, long ago), it was this first iPod that really opened up the enchanting, magical, captivating world of music to me.

At fourteen, I was a little unsure of a lot of things. What was I going to be when I grew up, where was I sitting at lunch, who would I go to Homecoming with...all of those seemed to be pretty earth-shattering freshman year of high school. Whenever I felt something that I felt I couldn't put into words, I turned to that little pink machine. It was a safety net, a therapist, a reassurance that I wasn't the only one dealing with whatever I was dealing with. I can't begin to count the nights that I fell asleep with those earbuds in.

As I've gotten older, a lot has changed. It's no longer decisions about college, Homecoming, or who to sit with at lunch. It's jobs. It's leaving home. It's falling in, or out of, love. While all that is different, the way I process it isn't. I still put on my headphones, still press "shuffle", and still listen as song after song says what I always want to (or sometimes they say what I do say, those are fun). I walk around campus with my big, black headphones on and maybe some people think that's rude or that I'm ignoring the world around me. It's actually quite the opposite; I think I see everything (and everyone) a bit brighter when my iPod is on.

I always joke that my most-played songs could tell you more about me than I could, but it's probably true. While the songs I listened to on that pink iPod mini are different than the ones on my iTouch, they still mean the same to me. They still make sense out of what is sometimes senseless, good or bad.

So, Steve Jobs, thank you. Thank you for creating the technology that has seen me through more than I could ever say. Thank you for giving me a way to escape from the craziness for a little bit or that gave me a way to define it. Thanks for all the nights I have just closed my eyes and listened. Thank you for the days I get to dance around my room like a fool to the songs playing from my iTunes. While it is quite obvious you changed the entire world, it is just as obvious that you changed mine.

Rest in peace.

With much love and gratitude from the 14 year old me and the 21 year old one,

More Lyrics

This is installment 2 of my lyrics post (read 2 posts down if you need an update). I love that feeling when you hear a lyric for the first time and have to rewind the song immediately and replay it again and again. It still amazes me when a song can take what you are feeling, however complex or twisty you think it is, and wrap it up in 3 and a half minutes. I think that's pretty magical.

Anyways, here are some more lyrics to add to my "write on your arms" list that I wouldn't mind people seeing because they say what I want to better than I could, but in a non-committal henna tattoo sort of way.

1. "Waiting for something to set fire, wake up my soul"- "All the Faint Lights"- Steve Moakler.

2. "Haven't you noticed the way I look at you?"- "Naked"- South Jordan. (This song is so perfect in an awkwardly honest way)

3. "We'll be better then, maybe we could start all over again"- "Never Easy"- Kurt Nilson (I think he is Swedish. Potentially)

4."You don't deserve a point of view if the only thing you see is you"- "Playing God"- Paramore.

5. "I'd rather have no love than to know love like this"- "I'd Rather Be Lonely"- Tyler Hilton.

6. "Everybody has to get their hands on gold, and I want uncharted"- "Uncharted"-Sara Bareilles

7. "So let go, time knows something we don't"-"Somebody's Gonna Love You"-Matt Wertz

8. "A heart don't forget something like that"- "Something Like That"- Tim McGraw

9. "All the time, it a'int nothin' on my mind but Georgia"- "Georgia"-Ludacris and Field Mob. (Gotta holla to the homestate)

10. "Excuse me while I fall for you"- "Hesitate"-Steve Moakler (he gets two shoutouts because his lyrics are that good...really, this whole song is magical)

Hopefully this makes sense to those of you who aren't crazy lyric people like me :)

Love, love, love

Story-telling

I started reading when I was 2 (really, I just memorized my copy of "Aladdin"..minor detail) and haven't ever stopped. I like stories. So, when stories are told through music, my little heart just loves it. I also like twists in stories, like "oh, no he didn't just do that" twists. Keeping things interesting is always a goal. I guess you could say every song is a story. Eh, I disagree.There needs to be a progression of time. Or something so personal that it isn't some generic pop song. Does that make sense?? It's almost 2am, so this all makes sense to me :) Anyways, here are some of my favorite stories told through a song:

1. "Highway 20 Ride"- Zac Brown Band. This story breaks my heart.

2. "Don't Take the Girl"- Tim McGraw. I cry every time I hear this song. When the chorus after the bridge starts, game over.

3. "Mary's Song (Oh My, My, My)" - Taylor Swift. I have to have a T.Swift song for this. This song is precious. I love this kind of love.

4. "Twenty-One"- Corey Smith. Getting older is both good and bad. This song reminds me of that.

5. "Gunpowder and Lead"- Miranda Lambert. I love this song. So sassy.

6. "Comfortable"- John Mayer. This is one of those songs so full of personal details that you are shocked when you have some of the same ones.

7. "Strawberry Wine"-Deanna Carter. I've loved this song for years. (Why are so many of these country songs??)

8. "Hands Down"- Dashboard Confessional. I have no explanation for this song. It is what it is (magical).

9. "Please Turn Red"- Andy Davis. I like the honesty of this song.

10. "He Stopped Loving Her Today"-George Jones. This is a classic, dang it. And probably the most tragic song of all time.

Okay, I'm done. Hopefully, the story thing makes sense?

Love, love, love

Lyrics

It might not come as a surprise that my favorite parts of music are the words. I love how much emotion can be evoked by just a simple sentence or two strung together. I understand why a lot of people tat it up with their favorite lyrics. I'd probably do this if it wasn't for two reasons: 1. My mother would kick me to the curb and 2. My favorite lyrics change too much to have some permanently on me.

So, my girl T.Swift has started something new on her "Speak Now" tour. She writes lyrics down her arm (or really, I guess someone else does...minor detail) for every show. I like this. I'd do this if I wouldn't get weird looks all day. Maybe I'll write them really small on my ankle when I'm bored, or on my finger like those finger mustaches, but better.

Anyways, this got me thinking: what lyrics would I write on my arm for the world to see every night? What statement would I want to make? Here are a few ones that come to mind right now:

1. "We both know that I can think myself dizzy, and right now I'm spinning around"- "5:19"-Matt Wertz. I love Matt. This song says it all and this is one of my favorite lines.

2."Going back to Nashville, thinking 'bout the whole thing, guess you gotta run sometimes"- "Nashville"- David Mead. Lately, this song gives me goosebumps whenever I hear it.

3. "' Cause you are all that I've waited for all my life. You pull me closer to love"- "Closer to Love"- Mat Kearney. This song makes me dance around.

4. "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you"- "Enchanted"- Taylor Swift. It's simple and it's honest.

5. "I'm sorry for you, just so you know"- "Say You're Sorry"- Sara Bareilles. This whole song is great.

6. "I call them April babies, 'cause they all fools"- "Mr. Carter"- Lil' Wayne. I smile every time I hear this. Haha, love Weezy.

7. "You're someone else's baby, you're someone else's crazy now"- "Queen of (K)nots"-Matt Nathanson. I love his lyrics. All of them.

8. "I guess your smile is the sun's way of lighting up what's dark"- "Sweetness in Starlight"- Matt Wertz. (The Matt's are blowing up this post...I'll never stop wishing they would all go on tour together)

9. "I bet He'd understand a heart like mine"- "Heart Like Mine"- Miranda Lambert. This is such a great line about God. I love it.

10. "We're taking a chance. We're the lucky ones"- "The Lucky Ones"- Brendan James. I like it. It's optimistic.


I'll probably do a post like this again. I like it.

Happy almost weekend.

Love, love, love

Wedding Music

I went to a dear friend's wedding a few days ago and it was an absolute blast!! I loved getting to dance around with old friends, and some new ones too. Of course, as a member of the female gender, weddings always make me wonder what my own will be like. My family is famous (infamous?) for throwing quite the party. My sister's wedding, which was six years ago, is still brought up as a prime example of a Morris family throwdown. I've got serious shoes to fill.

But, naturally, one of my favorite parts of a wedding is the music. From the father/daughter dance (I cry every damn time) to the closing song, I think the kind of music you play can be representative of what kind of couple you are. So, here are some songs I want played whenever I get married.

1. "Let's Get Married"- Jagged Edge and Run DMC. My future husband is required to be a fan of old school rap. My sister and I used to roll around town and rap this all the time. It's fun.

2. "Feels So Right"- Matt Wertz. This is cute. And wedding-y.

3. "Marry Me"- Train. Ok, I know, super obvious. But, I love this song! It's a great story and slow and pretty.

4. "Living On a Prayer"- Bon Jovi. I like big group sing-a-longs. A lot.

5. "Dixieland Delight"-Alabama. See above. Also, I'm sure this wedding will occur in the South (maybe in Tennessee... on a Saturday night?) , so it's appropriate.

6. "Pour Some Sugar on Me"-Def Leppard. It's just going to have to happen.

7. Some sort of group dance song. Not a huge fan of "The Electric Slide", but I do love the "Cha Cha Slide". Also, big fan of "Cupid Shuffle". Group dances are fun. Especially if there is an open bar.

8. "We Are Family"-Sister Sledge. The Morris family requires this to be played at family events. It gets real loud.

9. "Just the Way You Are"-Billy Joel. This was my mom and dad's wedding song. I smile every time I hear it, thinking about Mike rocking his white tux.

10. "Wedding Dress"- Matt Nathanson. This isn't a happy song...but I love it. I'll play it when I'm getting ready. Matt Nathanson is calming.

Love, love, love

The Leaving Song

I am horrible at goodbyes. I don't like them. I cry, but keep trying to talk and stutter, and then I sound like the last place contestant on "Toddlers and Tiaras" (or, what I imagine they sound like...all big hair, sequins, and tears).

Anyways, for the past four years of my life, every summer comes with goodbyes. Lots of them. You'd think they'd get easier, but no, no...they've become more difficult. See, these goodbyes come with a completely different forecast than those of our past. Yes, saying goodbye to my childhood friends was so hard and sad, but there was the knowledge that we'd see each other at holidays or summers or whenever we were home. These more recent goodbyes, well, they aren't so lucky. While Nashville isn't our official "home", something about this place drew us all here and brought us all together. We've made this our home. We've filled it with laughter and the overcoming of obstacles, long talks about the future and baked goods, late night study sessions or days when all we did was eat pancakes and stay in pajamas. We've become a special type of family here, the kind that chose to be together.

And then, as expected but always unprepared for, summer rolls around. We pack up our stuff and leave this place. I hate it. I hate it more this year than I have ever before. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? It's not, but it happens anyways. So, I listen to music (and write some..but that is for another day) and smile every time I get a text, g-chat, call, notification of FB stalking, or a in-person reunion. Those are the best. Here are the songs I've been listening to:

1. "Step Outside"-Secrets in Stereo. (Emo, duh. Sorry, not sorry)
2. "Crashing Down"-Mat Kearney
3. "Hands Down"-Dashboard Confessional (I'm not sure why I keep listening to this...but man, I sure love it)
4. "Feeling a Moment"-Feeder
5. "All We Are"- OneRepublic
6. "5:19"-Matt Wertz (This is one of my favorite songs ever, ever)
7. "Everything Will Be Alright"-Matt Wertz (This song is happy and true)
8. "The Sophomore"-Ben Rector (This song is all about transition...)
9. "Where the Story Ends"- The Fray.
10. "Almost Everything"- Wakey!Wakey! (The title of this album is "Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said The Last Time I Saw You"..yup)

So, those are the songs I'm jamming to around town. Some of them are sad (I am an emotional feeder when it comes to music), some are happy (okay, one..whatever), some say the things that I didn't because it never felt like the right time or right place. I have a feeling that I'll be listening to those ones for a while.

Here's to the next chapter, one that will hopefully be filled with as many perfect memories as this one.

Love, love, love